Best friends are horrible. Not only are best friendships short lived, but they also tend to end in loud dramatic disasters that make dumpster fires look appealing. Best friends take the wonderful parts of friendship and add a touch of jealousy, with a sprinkle of control.
A best friend hopes that telling me negative things that others said about me will bring us together. In reality, this will likely hurt my feelings and force us to grow apart. I forgive my friends for venting about me. However, I am not in the market for a best friend to remind me of the moments other people spoke negatively about me.
Are you upset with me because I went to the beach with another friend from work? This would really upset a best friend. I am not willing to sign up for an exclusive one on one friendship.
Are you in the mood to make someone feel inadequate together? Are you thinking about getting some folks together, strategically leaving out one particular person? Then, we can tag pictures of each other on social media so it will make the one person feel left out. We can talk about how much fun we had next time we see the person, in hopes it will bring them down. Will this make you feel warm inside? Do you get a sense of belonging from excluding others? You are a best friend.
Do we have to watch the same movies and vote for the same politicians? Very best friendish. I’m pretty loud and I have tons of controversial opinions, surely you will disagree with me on some of them. I hope you do. I refuse to be your opinion twin, best friend.
Some of the best moments in my life have been spent building strong friendships. I want to support you. I want to go to the park together and then laugh about that one funny thing that happened there. I want you to call me when you get engaged. I want to celebrate with you when I get into grad school. I want you to forgive me when I cancel plans, and I want to forgive you when you forget to text me back. I want your time and love, as that is the only thing that I have to offer you in return. I appreciate and need you, so I hope that we are never best friends.